This fourth collaboration by Baker and Fine offers strategies to alleviate various forms of conflict that develop between a parent and child.… The authors propose that the parent is responsible for resolving any differences, and the divisiveness or estrangement reflects a child’s unfulfilled needs. They instruct parents to maintain a positive demeanor, avoid placing expectations on results, and persevere despite rejection. The dynamics of competition and rancor between divorced parents are heavily emphasized and direct much of the book’s therapeutic objectives. Comprehensive examples are given spanning from the creative to the obvious.
— Booklist
Baker and Fine have provided a fantastic book of the nitty gritty Do’s and Don’ts for parents facing “HARD” children—which can be a minefield! They give hundreds of words and phrases that parents usually wish for when stressed and on the defensive with their own children, especially when they are in a potentially high conflict dispute with their co-parent. They give many great strategies (step-by-step) for managing a shaky relationship with such a child (from how to avoid taking the bait, how to respond to a child’s false allegations, how to avoid touching your child in anger, how to strengthen your attachment, and many more tips). They are experts in this field and this book is an excellent addition to their previous books on managing difficult parent-child relationships.
— Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, lead author of BIFF for CoParent Communication and developer of the New Ways for Families parent-skills traning method
For readers undermined by or in serious conflict with the other parent of their child, Parenting Under Fire:How to Communicate with Your Hurt, Angry, Rejecting, Distant (HARD) Child is a gift. With its practical advice on parenting better by connecting productively and compassionately with your hurting kid(s), Baker and Fine's ultimate help-book for parents of dysregulated, alienated children will guide you through the wilderness of parent/child estrangement to a place of self-awareness and empowerment. Neatly organized by communication medium--face-to-face, text, letter--the book offers readers a bounty of tactics for approaching painful, flummoxing, and often exasperating encounters with kids who may be dealing with trauma or manipulation by another adult in their life. Frankly, this is one of those parenting books we all could benefit from, whether our children have existentially unfriended us or regale us with every florid and mundane detail of their lives. Positive communication is tricky. Raise the stakes one-hundredfold and toss in a tween or an adolescent? That's what this book is for.
Ultimately, as it should, Parenting Under Fire emphasizes protecting the children caught in stressed, often triangulated relationships by teaching the adults in their lives how to make them feel safe and loved through better connection. As I see it, the book also illuminates a heartbreaking truth: here in America, parents or not, we are profoundly under-resourced, and our most vulnerable people--especially our youngsters--are the first to suffer the consequences. Access to in-the-flesh behavioral healthcare has become increasingly challenging for ordinary folks. Still, we are lucky to have experts proffering their wisdom in tidy, readable packages, like this one, which we can buy or borrow to read at home. These books save lives.
— Deborah Vlock, PhD, author of “Parenting Children with Mental Health Challenges: A Guide to Life with Emotionally Complex Kids”