Introduction
Structure
Identity Protection
Author Experience
CHAPTER 1: Estrangement Defined
Terms of Estrangement
Physical Versus Emotional Estrangement
Family Frequency of Estrangement
Sibling Estrangement
The Stigma of Estrangement
Mother-Daughter Estrangement
Warning Signs for Daughters
Warning Signs for Mothers
Cultural Considerations
Clinical Considerations
Estrangement Explained
CHAPTER 2: Long-Term Effects of Estrangement
Symptoms of Estrangement
Impact on Partners
Impact on Siblings
Impact on Children
Impact on Other Family Members
Impact on Friends and Community Members
CHAPTER 3: Assumptions About Estrangement
Selfishness
Suddenness
Therapist Recommendation
Exaggerated Trauma
Refusal to Reconcile
Too Much Toxic
False Memories
Mental Health Problems
Control Over Grandchildren
CHAPTER 4: A Woman’s Worth
Mother-Child Attachment
Partner Attachment
Attachment Trauma
Abuse
Neglect
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
CHAPTER 5: Introduction to the Estrangement Energy Cycle
Figure 5.1. The Estrangement Energy Cycle
CHAPTER 6: Cycle of Abuse
Power and Control
Gaslighting
Financial Abuse
Generational Trauma
Minimizing
Scapegoating
Caregiving
Defective/Denial
Superior Parenting
CHAPTER 7: Questioning
Shame and Guilt
Negative Core Beliefs
Self-Doubt
Emotion Dysregulation
The Burden of Busyness
Active Avoidance
Self-Criticism
Suicidal Ideation
Perfectionism
CHAPTER 8: Relationship Rupture
CHAPTER 9: Therapeutic Tools for Estrangement Energy
Shutting Down the Inner Critic
Experiencing Anticipatory Grief
Challenging Ambivalence
Exploring Forgiveness
Understanding the Fight-or-Flight Response
Addressing Elevated Anxiety
Watching for Warning Signs
Exploring EMDR
Staying Present
CHAPTER 10: Grief and Loss
CHAPTER 11: Discovering Sense of Self
Successful Self
Trauma Personification
Identity Formation
Sobriety Versus Recovery
Compassionate Touch
Reconciled Relationship
Positive Role Model
Professional Helper
Safe Space
CHAPTER 12: Deeper Work
Theme #1: What Happened Is a Part of Me, But Doesn’t Define Me
Theme #2: I Know and Trust Myself
Theme #3: I Can Change This Trauma Legacy for My Children
CHAPTER 13: Redefining Self-Worth
CHAPTER 14: Revisiting the Cycle
Figure 14.1. The Estrangement Energy Cycle
CHAPTER 15: Treating Men Who Are Estranged
CHAPTER 16: Clinical Competencies in Estrangement
Assessment
Professionalism
Intervention
CHAPTER 17: When Someone You Know Is Estranged
For Partners
For Parents
Readiness for Reconciliation
Parent Dynamics
Shared Grief
Supporting Self-Awareness
For Siblings
For Friends and Community Members
DO
DON’T
CHAPTER 18: Dating and Estrangement 121
CHAPTER 19: Life After Estrangement 127
CHAPTER 20: A Final Look at Estrangement Energy
Appendix A: Warning Signs in the Mother-Daughter Relationship
Appendix B: The Estrangement Energy Cycle
Appendix C: Estrangement Energy Therapeutic Tools
Exercise 7.1. Negative Core Beliefs Tree
Exercise 7.2. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) Wise Mind
Exercise 9.1. Inner Critic Personification
Exercise 9.2. Letter of Divorce
Exercise 9.3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Best–Worst–Most Likely
Exercise 9.4. Trauma Family Tree
Exercise 9.5. 5-4-3-2-1
Exercise 9.6. Thought-Stopping Technique
Exercise 9.7. Watch Your Warning Signs
Exercise 9.8. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Resource List
Exercise 9.9. Five Senses Coping Kit
Exercise 11.1. Successful Self-Visualization
Exercise 11.2. Trauma Personification
Exercise 11.3. Who Am I Reflection
Exercise 11.4. Self-Portrait Exercise
Exercise 11.5. Compassionate Touch Exercise
Exercise 11.6. Power Poses (Courtesy of Amy Cuddy)
Exercise 11.7. Mindful Walking
Exercise 11.8. Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP)
Exercise 11.9. Safe Space
Exercise 12.1. Thought Diffusion
Exercise 12.2. Container Exercise
Exercise 12.3. Internal Family Systems (IFS) Self-Meditation
Exercise 14.1. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Tapping
Appendix D: Estrangement Clinical Competencies and Self-Assessment
Appendix E: Group Processing Questions
For Therapeutic Groups
For Book Club Discussion
References
Index
About the Author