Phillips follows up her memoir, Unrequited, with this guidebook for parents of teens wading into new emotional waters, providing them with solid instruction, tips for healthy modeling, and recommended communication strategies. Chapters cover early crushes, the typical trajectory of nascent relationships, signs of unhealthy patterns and abuse, unique challenges for queer and nonbinary teens, and ways to provide support when a relationship ends. Phillips combines her personal experience, expert advice, and interviews, with a diverse range of perspectives via case studies. The guide identifies the all-consuming and mercurial range of adolescent emotions, which require delicate handling. It also reminds parents to consider conditions in today's sociopolitical climate that may differ vastly from what they themselves experienced. Phillips concedes that peer support is highly valued and valuable, but mature guidance from caring adults may be better suited to handle problematic or abusive situations. With a reassuring tone and a wonderfully inclusive spectrum of relationship scenarios, Phillips provides realistic and helpful advice reflecting today’s culture and specific challenges for the newly enamored.
— Booklist
With First Love, Lisa Phillips has written an exceptionally sophisticated, nuanced meditation on the complexity of young romance in the age of social media, smartphones, social isolation, gender fluidity, #MeToo, widely accessible porn, rising levels of depression—you name it. With a novel emphasis on feelings—both on the part of the adolescents and the adults—she tracks the life cycle of first relationships, from crush to break-up, and the result is one of the best books I’ve ever read about both parenting and parenthood. Phillips provides a new vocabulary and navigational tools for this bewildering new terrain, and what a service that is; what an eye-opener her work is to read.
— Jennifer Senior, winner of the 2022 Pulitzer Prize and author of the New York Times bestseller All Joy and No Fun
Adolescent romantic relationships are far from frivolous, and Lisa Phillips is a trustworthy and steady voice, readying parents to be the safe and present allies that teens need as they venture into dating. First Love brings alive how our teens experience and are shaped by romantic love, and serves as a validating and educational resource for parents looking to support their children (and themselves) through their adolescents’ relationships. This book belongs on the bookshelf of every parent.
— Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, faculty at Northwestern University, award-winning author of Love Every Day, and host of the podcast Reimagining Love
With real originality and a beautifully readable blend of science and storytelling, First Love explores the birth of our romantic lives. Rich in insight, it's also packed with concrete advice for today's parents, with special attention to those eager to understand the Gen Z universe of gender fluidity and relationship redefinition. In making clear that the best preparation for dealing with our kids' first loves is coming to terms with our own, Lisa A. Phillips creates a dual-generational portrait of love, longing and desire. It's a sentimental education that will stay with you long after you finish reading.
— Judith Warner, journalist and author, most recently of And Then They Stopped Talking to Me: Making Sense of Middle School
As parents we fuss a lot about how to have the "sex talk" with our kids, but we fuss far less about a topic that is certainly just as important: how to talk to our teens about romantic love and, specifically, about the riptides of first love. Lisa Phillips deftly guides us through these waters. There is so much that is important and useful about this engaging, insightful book.
— Richard Weissbourd, author of The Parents We Mean to Be and Senior Lecturer and Faculty Director, Making Caring Common, Harvard Graduate School of Education
First Love is a wonderfully written, informative book that is filled with great real-life stories and infused with relevant science and evidence-based data. It’s easy to read and relate to. It addresses issues that are central to teen relationships, and it does so with both intellect and compassion. It’s absolutely a must-read!
— Joanne Davila, PhD, Distinguished Service Professor of Psychology, Director, Relationship Development Center, Stony Brook University
Much has been written for parents about how to talk to their teens about sex. But surprisingly less has been written about how to talk to teens about love—which, after all, is the more important of the two. First Love fills this gap with insight and compassion for parents and teenagers alike.
— Laurence Steinberg, professor of psychology at Temple University and author of You and Your Adolescent: The Essential Guide for Ages 10-25