Your favorite long-term client tells you they want to open up their relationship. Are you ready to help them?
This groundbreaking guide to consensual nonmonogamy offers a reading experience that feels like consulting with a trusted advisor. Martha Kauppi equips you with the skills to be a true ally to clients who want to explore polyamory. Learn from the expert who trains experts as she debunks myths and shares the exact tools she uses with her own clients.
Flip to any chapter for an understanding of what is possible, where things break down and why, and how to help. You’ll learn how to conceptualize complicated relational dynamics in a way that leads to effective treatment, and how to identify and disrupt maladaptive relational patterns without perpetuating negative cultural bias. A must-read for anyone looking for a framework to simplify the complexities of polyamory.
Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist, educator, and AASECT-certified sex therapist and supervisor with a lifelong career in health and sexuality. Martha specializes in working at the intersection of sex and relational issues. She creates and presents educational materials that are based in theory and scientific knowledge while also being practical, effective, and immediately applicable by therapists and their clients. For more information, educational opportunities, and a blog, visit www.instituteforrelationalintimacy.com.
Table of ContentsAcknowledgementsIntroductionPART I: POLYAMORY FROM A THERAPIST’S PERSPECTIVEChapter 1: Consensual Non-Monogamies: What Are The Options?Chapter 2: Polyamory: What the Research Tells UsChapter 3: Overlapping Marginalized Populations and IntersectionalityChapter 4: Polyamory Theory, or Why Polyamory Makes Sense to SomeChapter 5: Who Can Benefit From Consensual Non-Monogamy?PART II: CREATING A STRONG FOUNDATION FOR THERAPY WITH POLYAMORYChapter 6: The Therapist: Bias, Strengths, and ChallengesChapter 7: What Makes a Good Relationship?Chapter 8: Conceptualizing the Case: If Polyamory Isn’t The Problem, What Is?Chapter 9: Using The Initiator/Inquirer Process to Support Differentiation and Move Toward DecisionsChapter 10: Getting Polyamory Therapy off to a Strong Start: Understanding the Change ProcessPART III: POLYAMORY IN THE THERAPY ROOM: COMMON PRESENTING PROBLEMSChapter 11: Negotiating Polyamory: Forming Good AgreementsChapter 12: Negotiating Polyamory: Talking Points for PartnersChapter 13: Understanding and Addressing JealousyChapter 14: Infidelity, Broken Agreements, and Building TrustChapter 15: Working with Mono-Polyams and Reluctant PolyamsChapter 16: Recovering from Polyamory Gone Wrong
Chapter 17: Role-Related Challenges and Benefits: Primaries, Secondaries, Hinges, Etc. Chapter 18: Relationship Transitions: New Relationships Energy, Relationship Decisions, Shifting Between Partners, and BreakupsChapter 19: Polyamorous Families With Children and Coming Out Issues PART IV: PROFESSIONAL CONSIDERATIONSChapter 20: Ethical ConsiderationsChapter 21: Marketing Yourself as a Polyamory-Friendly TherapistAppendices
A: Relationship Concept Worksheets
B: Emotional Balance Worksheets
C: Preparation for Communication Worksheets
D: Relationship Enrichment Handouts
E: Creating Change Worksheet Set
F: Crafting Your Unique Open Relationship Handout Set
About the Author
Beyond excellent! It is a rare book that so boldly advances the field. Martha provides thoughtful support for marginalized individuals while challenging unconscious biases and providing exceptional therapeutic tools for growth. Don’t miss reading this one.
Martha Kauppi has written the book for all therapists working with open relationships and polyamory. It is chock full of ideas for being poly or managing fluid relationship agreements, including how to have tough conversations and how to self-soothe. This author is masterful at helping people create change. These are skills that have been missing in the literature, until now. I can't recommend this book enough.
Polyamory is a book that should be on every sex and relationship therapist’s shelf. It is an indispensable and comprehensive guide to not only understanding polyamorous relationships, but also providing affirmative therapy for clients with diverse relationship structures. Casual readers looking to enhance their relationship skillset can also benefit from the book’s straightforward approach and practical exercises.
Martha Kauppi has written a book on much more than polyamory. To be poly-informed, she skillfully teaches how one needs to understand other populations such as LGBTQIA, kink and fetish communities, and other erotic orientations. Her work is based on current research and recognizes clinicians’ need to be versed in understanding relationships focusing on differentiation. It is exhaustive and includes the nuances, complexities, and diversities that exist within the poly community. This book is destined to become a classic.
In the tremendous new book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients) Martha Kauppi examines the clinical side of serving polyamorous clients in a mental healthcare setting. Using data from her own and others’ research, Kauppi provides a solid grounding in theory, explains the intersections between consensual nonmonogamy and kink/BDSM and LGBTQ+ populations, and takes on therapeutic bias and ways for therapists to look beyond CNM to other issues in the relationship. Kauppi offers clinicians tools to approach clients’ common issues such as forming agreements, managing jealousy, cheating, healing from past relationship trauma, and a mismatch in desire for CNM. Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients) concludes with ethical and professional considerations, and a wealth of useful worksheets and handouts. The most comprehensive toolkit for therapists serving clients in consensually nonmonogamous relationships to date, Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients) is required reading for culturally competent CNM mental health care provision.
May 18, 2021
The Sexology Podcast featured Martha Kauppi on episode 230 titled, "Can Polyamory Really Work?" Listen here: https://sexologypodcast.com/2021/05/18/can-polyamory-really-work-with-martha-kauppi/
May 21, 2021
Martha Kauppi was featured as a guest on "Sex Talk with the Siegel Brothers". Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWqXG3223Yo
May 20, 2021
Martha Kauppi was featured on episode 35 of the Sex and Psychology Podcast with Dr. Justin Lehmille, titled, "The Guide to Opening Up A Relationship". Listen here: https://www.lehmiller.com/podcast/2021/5/20/episode-35-the-guide-to-opening-up-a-relationship
The Better Sex Podcast featured Martha Kauppi on episode 187 titled, “Considering Polyamory”. Listen here: https://intimacywithease.com/considering-polyamory-martha-kauppi/
Author was quest on Sumati Sparks live radio show - Leading Edge Love