An experienced couples counselor identifies the unconscious factors that influence the way we feel and behave in intimate relationships—the invisible needs that create and sustain our dysfunctional patterns of relating.

Whereas the conventional focus on changing our marital scripts bypasses excavation of their roots in our deepest childhood fears—of abandonment, intrusion, shame—David Shaddock weaves contemporary thinking about the individual into the family systems approach to therapy. Effortlessly, and with gentle authority, he introduces concepts that professional and popular readers alike can adopt to begin to decode symbolic issues and, in turn, generate the understanding that builds empathy between partners.